he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
