I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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