theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
