weddingsv make me drug and hornr
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
