I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
