I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
