Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
