I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's never too late to be topless.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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