your parents love me but you hate me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My liver is preforming stress tests.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
