next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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