physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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