I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
