Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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