If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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