Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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