well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
