okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
