Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
