She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
