Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
