no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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