Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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