Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
