This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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