He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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