1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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