you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
