Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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