My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Randomize
