Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
