if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
