As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I lost the right to judge tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
