yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
