Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
