shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
