I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
