My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
