if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
