On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
