you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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