There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
