it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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