you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
