Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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