Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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