I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
