I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
