Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
