I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
