ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
